Tingle Gele'

"Propel your pleasure to new plateaus!"

Do you enjoy having your sensitive areas tingly and numb? If so, Tingle Gele' from Flava's good friends at Doc Johnson is just the product for you. Packaged in an oversized Skoal tin, Tinger Gele' comes in a variety of fantastic fruit flavors including strawberry, cherry, & the ubiquitous passion fruit.

As any regular reader of this blog knows, Flava Knave put the F in Freaky, so it should come as no surprise that the opportunity to numb any or all sensitive areas on his body was seen as a slice of heaven on Earth. What good is having sensitive areas unless you have the freedom to spread a gelatanous pink goo on them?

So armed with only a tin of Tingle Gele' and a smile, Flava Knave descended upon the Flava Test Lab and begin Tingle Gelling his entire body from head to toe. Here are some of the sensitive area reviews:

Tongue: Well let's start with the taste. The best way to describe it would be to get a small container of Vicks Vapor Rub and a pint of strawberries. Next, throw both the Vicks and the strawberries into your favorite blender and pulse until you reach a fine puree. Dab a bit on your tongue and chase with your favorite champagne. The bubbly numb feeling on your tongue will be about 1/10 as bad as licking a glob of the real Tingle Gele'.

Eyes: Grab a firepoker, heat to 1000 degrees Fahrenheit, and gently poke into your own eye. Tingle Gele' feels much the same way minus the permanent blindness and smell of charred skin.

Nose: Flava had a bit of a stuffed nose prior to Tingling but now has completely cleared and fruity smelling nasal passages.

Jewels: A few seconds after polishing the family jewels, Flava looked like a man walking across hot coals with a splinter in the bottom of his foot. Grabbing a fire extinguisher and spraying down the nether region with a generous coating of foam caused the tingling sensations to dissipate but increased the level of numbness threefold.

Conclusion: Tingle Gele' smells bad, tastes worse, and feels twice as bad as it smells or tastes.

And those guys on the commercial look so happy to be gellin'...Much like a good drug, if someone asks you if you are gellin', just say no.

Flavometer Scorecard:
Originality: 17
Practicality: 18
Seductivity: 15
Digestivity: 9

Overall Score: 59