Sinful Desire Dream Creme

If you are like me, you have often stayed awake in bed late at night, staring at the ceiling tiles ala Brian Wilson, wondering what it would be like if you cover your body from head to toe with liquid cotton candy. Well my friends, our prayers have been answered by the good people at Doc Johnson with the introductions of Sinful Desires Dream Creme. This cotton candy confection is officially designated as Body Topping and has been used by horny Ringling Bros. clowns for well over a decade.

The first thing that strikes you is the beautiful packaging. Sealed in a convenient container that could be mistaken for Botox lotion or Shoe Polish, is a pink slime that smells exactly like cotton candy... If it were made fresh, dropped in a pile of elephant dung, eaten, regurgitated, and fished out of the vomit splattered toilet. Personally, I have a hard time believing this is artificially flavored as there is nothing artificial about something that tastes like a sugar sprinkled bung hole.

As bad as it tastes, it also leaves a unique film on your tongue that resembles a cross between Elmer's Glue and pigeon piss. Suffice it to say, I have had burrito induced belches that have had a better aftertaste than this not so dreamy cream.

But there are a few redeeming qualities to the Dream Creme:

1. A generous 4 oz. portion insures that you will be able to coat even the largest woman or man in your life. Nothing is more embarrassing than going hogging and not having enough body topping to obscure the parts you can't bear to see.

2. The container, once all the offending pink goo is removed, would make an excellent illicit stash holder.

3. Since it is dream creme and not cream it removes many social stigmas for the self indulgent. Here is a hypothetical example of a recent Flava phone call:

Fantasia: Hey Flava, what's going on?

Flava: Hey baby, what's shaking?

Fantasia: I was just wondering if you were free for some lovin' tonight.

Flava: Sure honey. I just cremed myself thinking of you.

Obviously if this were a cream Flava would probably have spent the night alone.

Flavometer Scorecard:
Originality: 21
Practicality: 21
Seductivity: 19
Digestivity: 12

Overall Score: 73